So it has come to my attention as of late, ok well not really, but I have known for some time that one of my character flaws, thorns in my side in the words of Paul, it being judgmental. Shew....So I have begun as of late to examine carefully my judgmental attitude, in other words, what gives me the right? Well not a whole lot. My unfounded research on myself has drawn me to the conclusion that being judgmental is not primarily a sin against my neighbor, but against God.
I have discovered that key driver in being judgmental is not necessarily to "put others down so I feel good about me", but rather, to make myself God. Perhaps I am boring you the four of you, but hang with me a second. You see, for example, say someone is driving incredibly slow in the left lane (Urggg I can feel the judgmental slew of words already coming up from my black robed inner part). I find that what makes it so terrible is that for that moment I actually assume that I know better, that I would never and could never do such a thing. Two, I may even go further, assuming that if I taught that chap how to drive when he or she was younger, that I would have done a much better job than whoever taught them. Boom two birds with one stone. I may even go further, exclaiming outrage at the DMV for allowing this person to withhold a license to operate a vehicle. I may even venture a stab at the general public for allowing the DMV to continue with this outrage and demanding better instruction.
But all of that is to say, I am playing God. I want to control. Its almost as if I am saying to God, not just that person, "I can do it better than you." Additionally, there is a core assumption, the assumption or belief that I, Tyler, chose to drive safely to the gym and back today. Yes, I controlled all the circumstances to allow myself safe passage. Or better yet, to the homeless man, you see, I chose the right family to be born into. I decided that it would be great to have a family with a good income and I decided at the young age of 4 that only private school, college, and a graduate degree would do for me. Yes I was quite an ambitious lad. Really? But see you chose poorly, selecting that mental disorder and abusive family. I mean really, what were you thinking?
It humbles me greatly when I think about life in such a manner, probably because I spend the majority of my life living the other way, assuming I make the best choices and I hold the world in my hand. So I find that now, after all this rambling, that my repentance of being judgmental or murderous is warranted, but my repentance of the first commandment is needed.
Update: Ironically, I was listening to a sermon yesterday by Tim Keller which happened to be on this very topic. He said this, a quote from John Milton:
"The fastest way to become like Satan is to try to be God." (paraphrasing)- But for more, check out Tim Keller's podcast titled "Reconciliation", free on iTunes.
